Yesterday, I read a post about Redha. This guy lost his job and started doing Grab and other minor work (if I'm not mistaken) just to earn a living. And one day, after Subuh prayer, he sat down and said "Ya Allah, jika ini ketentuanMu, aku redha" and right after that, he received a request for a trip to the airport (high Grab earnings, yay!), and soon after his days were filled with 20-30 requests - he earned more with Grab now than he did with his previous job. That's beautiful, I thought. It really was. And I'm happy for him, of course, but I don't think I've ever thought about redha and how I see my life.
Haze? Doesn't affect me as much as I'm normally indoors. Getting told off? Well, that's normal coz I like doing things my way. I don't think I've ever felt complete acceptance of what's happening in my life - because I don't really think much of it.
But this morning has been a real test to me. I don't always cook for my mum's and my brother and sister's lunchbox but when I do, the dishes I cook normally taste great. (Confidence is a must!)
But this morning, I don't know what to say. It was all going fine until the last part of cooking Nasi Goreng. This salty sour sauce (which I didn't realise was not closed properly) spilled on my cooking. I was enraged! My Nasi Goreng! It's gonna taste badddd! I managed to keep my cool at that time. I told myself, this was a test of Redha. It really was. So I cooked a separate batch just to cover the flavour but it wasn't enough - and so I went ahead to get 3 eggs to add to the dish and guess what? One of them fell on the floor and cracked. I tried to keep my cool, I really tried. I said to myself "Redha, Bihah, Redha". But I lost it. I actually cried over that cracked egg. Seems so simple but I cried!
My youngest brother, who was the only one downstairs, sitting on the couch at the front actually asked "Kaklang, kenapa kaklang?" "Kaklang, kenapa kaklang?" I couldn't even respond coz it just seemed so silly. But I really believe it was a test of redha and I failed it - miserably. I was even sobbing while cleaning up the cracked egg on the floor and thinking to myself how I couldn't even pass that simple test.
I have a degree in Finance, and a business to run and yet this morning, I felt worthless, useless and any kind of 'less you can think of - Over a cracked egg. How redha do you think I was?
Maybe, Redha is not as simple as we think. It's not as simple as saying "wow, that's beautiful" when you read other people's post and hope that you'll get to experience that kind of feeling. Coz I was given the opportunity to have that feeling - but I failed - miserably.
Hopefully, I'll be able to get this feeling of redha soon - no matter how many eggs I crack or how many cookings go wrong. Hopefully. Pray for me.
In case you're wondering - the Nasi Goreng turned out fine (I think, from what my brother said) - pic below
Ps: I've just realised how long of a post I've written and I don't feel like reading and checking my writing right now. So yeah, if you see any mistakes grammatically or spellings - feel free to let me know. In any case, that's one thing I redha - my mistakes on my own post 😂
Pss: I watched One Piece : Stampede yesterday - it was amazing!
