Saturday, 16 January 2010

Sometimes, you just have to forgive and forget

When I was in my secondary school years, I used to get myself into a lot of arguments with my teachers. I didn't really know why, but it seemed as though I was their favourite 'victim' in class. I used to get teased by this one particular teacher, in front of the whole class. How embarrassing! But, as always, I try to play it cool, and instead of giving in to her, I declared a war! I mean, when a teacher just tease you all the time, of course, you'd get fed up. So, I talked back, don't worry, no one was harmed - I'm not the kind of person that hits someone only because they trash talk me. I felt so good every time I 'win' an argument with her. I felt as if I was on top of the world and no one can bring me down, until, that 'beloved' teacher of mine started questioning how my parents raised me. My heart just raced like never before, my face burned red out of disbelieve. Right at that moment, I just wanted to fight like never before, but then, I figured, there's no point in back talking, it's obvious she'll never listen. Plus, she might just bad mouth my parents even more. How dare she questioned how I was raised, I mean I know I may be a pain in the neck to her, but that has got nothing to do with my parents. I was a trouble to her cos' she was a trouble to me. If it wasn't because of her mouth, other teachers would treat me as normal. But, unfortunately for me, she just had to make me 'famous' to all the other teachers. Next thing I know, most of the teachers that taught me gave me this disapproving look every time they see me, no matter how good I was in their class.

I don't really know what their problem is, I guess it could be because I'm always late in handing in my homeworks on time. But then, if you're a teacher and your student doesn't hand in the work that you set, is teasing them really going to make it any better? NO! You'll just make her a rebel, and that was technically what happened with me, I tried so hard to actually do all the work she gave me, but it never was enough. So, I just gave up, I mean, if she's (the teacher) just going to carry on making fun of me and my effort, why should I bother even trying when she's not going to appreciate it? Ever heard of the term 'Self-Fulfilling Prophecy'?I might as well just be that person she describes me as, a lazy kid with nothing better to do. But, never will I ever agree with her saying my parents hasn't raised me well. If my parents didn't raise a good child, I would be like one of those girls from the street that would do anything just to get money. Sure I may be a rebel, but that's only because you keep on treating like I'm some sort of garbage. You want respect, you give respect!

Looking back, yeah sure I felt good for 'defending' myself and standing my ground, but there will always be a regret in my heart which I just cannot get rid of. It may be that teasing me is their way of getting me to work harder, and though it didn't succeed as they may have hoped, I should never have been so disrespectful to them. This guilt has been eating me since the day I left the school. I left the school on my third year there because I followed my dad furthering his studies in the UK. On my last day at that particular school, I wanted to, but I didn't say sorry to the teachers I've wronged. And now, my only hope is to meet them when I get back to my home country. From what I know though, the teacher has moved school. Looks like I have to stick with this guilt until I see her, wherever she may be.

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