Wednesday, 28 July 2010
The episode of my change.
When I was young, I committed a LOT of sins. Prayers to me were nothing, wearing the hijab (to cover my aurah) to me was boring and lying to me, was something unavoidable in order to save myself from getting told off - eventhough I knew lying was and IS a sin, and I've done a lot of other sins as well as all that I've listed. I would avoid doing all the compulsory thing wherever possible. Basically, although I was a Muslim and testified that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad (SAW) is His messenger, I don't think I truly believed there will be a Hereafter. I was blinded by this World - having fun seemed to be my main priority in life.
After a couple of years living in ignorance, I finally changed, Alhamdulillah.
It was a beautiful month of Ramadhan. At first, I was reluctant to fast, but, because my parents and my older brother and sister fasted and I was expected to fast as well, I fasted - even though it seemed boring and somewhat a torture to me. All this was out of my own ignorance of course.
Until one fine morning, I thought, "If I have to fast, I might as well wake up early to fill my stomache up, enough for the day". So, I woke up around 4 o'clock in the morning, around an hour and a half earlier than Fajar (subuh - sunrise in english). Because I was young, around 12 or 13 years old back then, I didn't know what to do after waking up that early. Helping my mum cook would be something I'm clueless about. And so, I decided to take a shower - four o'clock in the morning - you can imagine how cold it was! After I showered, I had no idea what to do - our house was neat and tidy - meaning I wouldn't be able to pass the time by tidying up (although I felt like wanting to be a good girl).
Since I had nothing better to do, I turned on the TV. The first channel that came on had a man reciting the Quran. Out of foolishness, I changed the TV to other channels in the hope of some cartoons. Fortunately for me, Cartoon Network was unbearably boring and most of the other cartoon channels didn't have any cartoons on air due to the time of day. So, I thought I might as well go to the first channel rather than sticking my face on Cartoon Network. I listened to the recitation of the Quran and read the translation (tafseers) of the verses that was on the screen and my heart trembled with fear as I read and listened more attentively. I think it was a verse about the states of the people of Hellfire. And then, a verse about the states of the people of Paradise. My heart trembled with fear, all I wanted to do was cry and cry and all I prayed for was my safety from the Hellfire. Because I didn't want my mum to see me cry, I tried to keep it all inside me.
After that one unforgettable experience, I changed. I started praying five times a day, started having an interest in learning more about Islam and just keeping myself occupied with good deeds rather than bad. Wearing the hijab was not an embarrassment to me anymore, I saw it as a MUST thing to do in order to save myself from Hell and get myself closer to Allah SWT. Alhamdulliah, until now I'm thankful for that experince to Allah as it has changed me to a better person - even my families were surprised with my changes (I think). I don't think I have ever told them this story though, even though I've been asked by one of them before why I've changed. Subbahanallah Wal hamdulillah Wa la ila ha illahu allah hu akbar. Who knows, I might have been granted this hidayah because of some people's prayers. For all those people, I thank you! :) May we be among the guided ones and saved from Hell. ameen~
Why am I telling you this story?
A lot of people has been wondering how and why I've changed. Well folks, that was the answer to your question. Please do note that I am still a normal human being and I still do have a lot to learn. So, please do correct me when I'm wrong and please forgive me for all my wrongdoings.
Thank you, Assalamualaikum.~ ^^